I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
