do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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