Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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