I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
