Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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