I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
