She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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