she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
