i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
