i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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