You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
