saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
