I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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