i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
