woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Drunk is a universal language darling
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
