I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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