I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
