do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
