who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
