Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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