I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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