Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
