As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
