I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
