Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize