Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she peed on how many people?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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