wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize