See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
