you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i love accidental penises.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
