puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
