Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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