that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
