well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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