The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
