Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
