No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
