New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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