his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
