she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
