I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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