Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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