If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.