I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.