After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?