Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?