My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
