perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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