Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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