lets start a swedish sibling band together
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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