why didn't you poke me back
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
