You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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