why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
