Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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