omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
