You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
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turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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