3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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