Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
