Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
