Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
