apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
