Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
