I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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