i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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