I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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