i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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