How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
