He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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